Baby Fever

Friday I had the privilege of watching my 5 month old niece in Buffalo. I planned this day for months because I was off from work and could make the trip. Baby J is the first baby among my three sisters and myself, so my whole family is spoiling this child rotten, but I don’t get to see her often as I am 250 miles away. She must have sensed my excitement because she was the most wonderful child the entire time I had her.

Baby J’s day is typically spent at daycare and I was happy to help her avoid that for a day. We played all morning and breezed through her first bottle. She and I danced around my sister’s apartment to Lana Del Rey and tried out some not-so-successful tummy time- she much prefers standing and bouncing. The only tears shed were when she didn’t want to stop feeding to burp.

A glorious two-hour nap on my chest was the highlight of my day. Is there anything better than cuddling with a sleeping infant? Or sleepy baby smiles right when she wakes up? Always happy and “talkative,” Baby J was an angel and such a delight.

I had been hoping for this occasion to be a little bit of birth control for me. Unfortunately it was quite the opposite and I am suddenly more aware of my ovaries than ever. See, I have endometriosis. For those of you who don’t know what that is, the endometrial tissue that is shed monthly (and should only line the uterus), grows in places it shouldn’t such as on ovaries, Fallopian tubes, etc. Each cycle when this tissue is shed from areas it shouldn’t be on in the first place, it pulls a little of the healthy organ/tissue with it. Over time, this tearing and repairing results in scar tissue which, depending on where it is, can result in serious complications when trying to become pregnant. Many women with endometriosis, including myself, have extremely painful cramps as our insides are literally ripped apart each month. But there is hope! Researchers say the younger you are, the easier it may be to get pregnant due to less scar tissue build up and some women are miraculously and inexplicably cured after giving birth.

This brings me back to my sudden case of baby fever… I know I am not quite ready for a baby. Ideally Ryan and I will be married before that and we are SO NOT financially ready to pay for a wedding or a baby, so it’s going to have to wait. My internal time clock saying, “Have a baby while you can! You may not be able to a few years from now,” is in a serious argument with my logical brain who says, “Are you crazy?! We aren’t even close to ready for a child!” This struggle with myself has made me crazy for days!

Anyone out there have endometriosis? Tips on management are appreciated! And I would love to hear your story if you now have children!

– C


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